Discipline Your Children in Love

"Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Eph. 6:4

"The father, as priest of the household, should deal gently and patiently with his children. He should be careful not to arouse in them a combative disposition. He must not allow transgression to go uncorrected, and yet there is a way to correct without stirring up the worst passions in the human heart. Let him in love talk with his children, telling them how grieved the Saviour is over their course; and then let him kneel with them before the mercy seat and present them to Christ, praying that He will have compassion on them and lead them to repent and ask forgiveness. Such disciplining will nearly always break the most stubborn heart." CG 286, 287

"Never should parents cause their children pain by harshness or unreasonable exactions. Harshness drives souls into Satan's net." AH 308

"Some children will soon forget a wrong that is done to them by father and mother; but other children who are differently constituted cannot forget severe, unreasonable punishment which they did not deserve. Thus their souls are injured, and their minds bewildered." CG 249

"Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father in heaven." Matt. 18:10

"When children lose their self-control, and speak passionate words, the parents should for a time keep silent, neither reproving nor condemning. At such times silence is golden, and will do more to bring repentance than any words that can be uttered. Satan is well pleased when parents irritate their children by speaking harsh, angry words. Paul has given a caution on this point: 'Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.' They may be very wrong, but you cannot lead them to the right by losing patience with them. Let your calmness help to restore them to a proper frame of mind." RH 1-24-1907

"Love breaks down all barriers. Let there be no scolding, no loud-voiced, angry commands." RH 7-8-1902

"Be so calm, so free of anger, that they will be convinced that you love them, even though you punish them. " CG 249

"Love is patient and kind; . . . it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful." 1 Cor. 13:4, 5

"Let not one word of fretfulness, harshness, or passion escape your lips. The grace of Christ awaits your demand. His Spirit will take control of your heart and conscience, presiding over your words and deeds. Never forfeit your self-respect by hasty, thoughtless words. See that your words are pure, your conversation holy. Give your children an example of that which you wish them to be." CG 219

"Fathers and mothers, if cross words fall from your lips, you are teaching your children to speak in the same way, and the refining influence of the Holy Spirit is made of none effect." CG 219

"The largest share of the annoyances of life, its daily corroding cares, its heartaches, its irritation, is the result of a temper uncontrolled. The harmony of the domestic circle is often broken by a hasty word and abusive language. How much better were it left unsaid." 4T 348

"Never should we lose control of ourselves. Let us ever keep before us the perfect Pattern. It is a sin to speak impatiently and fretfully or to feel angry - even though we do not speak. We are to walk worthy, giving a right representation of Christ. The speaking of an angry word is like flint striking flint; it at once kindles wrathful feelings." CG 95

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Prov. 15:1

"Impatience brings the enemy of God and man into your family and drives out the angels of God. If you are abiding in Christ, and Christ in you, you cannot speak angry words. Fathers and mothers, I beseech you, for Christ's sake, to be kind, tender, and patient in your homes." HP 99

"We have much to learn in regard to child training. When teaching the little ones to do things, we must not scold them. Never should we say, 'Why did you not do this?' Say, 'Children, help mother do this;' or, 'Come, children, let us do this.' Be their companion in doing these things. When they finish their work, praise them." RH 6-23-1903

"An approving glance, a word of encouragement or commendation, will be like sunshine in their hearts." ML 173

"The father should enforce in his family the sterner virtues - energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness. And what he requires of his children he himself should practice, illustrating these virtues in his own manly being.

"But, fathers, do not discourage your children. Combine affection with authority, kindness and sympathy with firm restraint." MH 391

"Lead the youth to feel that they are trusted, and there are few who will not seek to prove themselves worthy of the trust.

"On the same principle it is better to request than to command; the one thus addressed has opportunity to prove himself loyal to right principles. His obedience is the result of choice rather than compulsion." Ed 290

"The object of discipline is the training of the child for self-government. He should be taught self-reliance and self-control. Therefore as soon as he is capable of understanding, his reason should be enlisted on the side of obedience. Let all dealing with him be such as to show obedience to be just and reasonable. Help him to see that all things are under law, and that disobedience leads, in the end, to disaster and suffering." Ed 287

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov. 22:6

"Unless parents shall make it the first business of their lives to guide their children's feet into the path of righteousness from their earliest years, the wrong path will be chosen before the right." ML 261

"The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." Prov. 29:15

"The earlier the will is made to yield to the will of the parents and the more complete the submission, the less difficult it will be to yield to the requirements of God. And none can hope for the love and blessing of God who do not learn obedience to His commandments, and stand up firmly against temptation." SD 130

"Mothers, be sure that you properly discipline your children during the first three years of their lives. Do not allow them to form their wishes and desires. The mother must be mind for her child. The first three years is the time in which to bend the tiny twig. Mothers should understand the importance attaching to this period. It is then that the foundation is laid. If these first lessons have been defective, as they very often are, for Christ's sake, for the sake of your children's future and eternal good, seek to repair the wrong you have done. If you have waited until your children were three years old to begin to teach them self-control and obedience, seek to do it now, even though it will be much harder." CG 194

"Many parents will have to render an awful account at last for their neglect of their children. They have fostered and cherished their evil tempers by bending to their wishes and will, when the wishes and will of the children should bend to them. They have brought God's frown upon them and their children by these things. Parents, have you forgotten that which is written in the holy word: 'He that spareth the rod hateth his son'? Children are left to come up instead of being trained up. The poor little children are thought not to know or understand a correction at ten or twelve months old, and they begin to show stubborness very young. Parents suffer them to indulge in evil tempers and passions without subduing or correcting them, and by so doing they cherish and nourish these evil passions until they grow with their growth and strengthen with their strength." RH 3-28-1893

"You should correct your children in love. Do not let them have their own way until you get angry, and then punish them. Such correction only helps on the evil, instead of remedying it. After you have done your duty faithfully to your children, then carry them to God, and ask Him to help you. Tell Him that you have done your part, and then in faith ask God to do His part, that which you cannot do. Ask Him to temper their dispositions, to make them mild and gentle by His Holy Spirit. He will hear you pray. He will love to answer your prayers." RH 3-28-1893

"Children should be brought to the point of submission and obedience. Disobedience must not be allowed. Sin lies at the door of the parents who allow their children to disobey." CG 85, 86

"Rules should be few and well considered; and when once made, they should be enforced. Whatever it is found impossible to change, the mind learns to recognize and adapt itself to; but the possibility of indulgence induces desires, hope, and uncertainty, and the results are restlessness, irritability, and insubordination." Ed 290

"Give them nothing for which they cry, even if your tender heart desires ever so much to do this; for if they gain the victory once by crying they will expect to do it again." CG 92

"I never allowed my children to think that they could plague me in their childhood. I also brought up in my family others from other families, but I never allowed those children to think that they could plague their mother. Never did I allow myself to say a harsh word or to become impatient or fretful over the children. They never got the better of me once - not once, to provoke me to anger. When my spirit was stirred, or when I felt anything like being provoked, I would say, 'Children, we shall let this rest now; we shall not say anything more about it now. Before we shall retire, we shall talk it over.' Having all this time to reflect, by evening they had cooled off, and I could handle them very nicely. . . .

"There is a right way, and there is a wrong way. I never lifted my hand to my children, before I talked with them; and if they broke down, and if they saw their mistake (and they always did when I brought it before them and prayed with them), and if they were subdued (and they always were when I did this), then I had them under my control. I never found them otherwise. When I prayed with them, they would break all to pieces, and they would throw their arms around my neck and cry." CG 253

"Children have sensitive, loving natures. They are easily pleased and easily made unhappy. By gentle discipline, in loving words and acts, mothers may bind their children to their hearts. To manifest severity and to be exacting with children are great mistakes. Uniform firmness and un-impassioned control are necessary to the discipline of every family. Say what you mean calmly, move with consideration and carry out what you say without deviation." 3T 532

"Some parents are in subjection to their children. They fear to cross the will of their children, and therefore yield to them. But just as long as children are under the roof of the parents, dependent upon them, they should be subject to their control. Parents should move with decision, requiring that their views of right be followed out." 1T 216, 217

"Let them mingle kindness and affection and love with their family government, and yet let them be as firm as a rock to right principles. " CG 263

"Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul." Prov. 29:17

"There is no greater curse upon households than to allow the youth to have their own way. When parents regard every wish of their children and indulge them in what they know is not for their good, the children soon lose all respect for their parents, all regard for the authority of God or man, and are led captive at the will of Satan." PP 579

"Eli was cursed of God because he did not promptly and decidedly restrain his wicked sons." 4T 651

"The Lord will not vindicate the misrule of parents. Today hundreds of children swell the ranks of the enemy, living and working apart from the purpose of God. They are disobedient, unthankful, unholy; but the sin lies at the door of their parents. Christian parents, thousands of children are perishing in their sins because of the failure of their parents to rule the home wisely." CG 182

"Not a particle of variance should be shown by parents in the management of their children. Parents are to work together as a unit. There must be no division. But many parents work at cross-purposes, and thus the children are spoiled by mismanagement. If parents do not agree, let them absent themselves from the presence of their children until an understanding can be arrived at." RH 3-30-1897

"No house divided against itself will stand. " Matt. 12:25

"Patiently, lovingly, as faithful stewards of the manifold grace of God, parents are to do their appointed work. . . . Everything is to be done in faith. Constantly they must pray that God will impart His grace to their children. Never must they become weary, impatient, or fretful in their work. They must cling closely to their children and to God." 3BC 1154

"We should pray to God much more than we do. There is great strength and blessing in praying together in our families, with and for our children. When my children have done wrong, and I have talked with them kindly and then prayed with them, I have never found it necessary after that to punish them. Their hearts would melt in tenderness before the Holy Spirit that came in answer to prayer." CG 525

"Do not become impatient with your children when they err. When you correct them, do not speak abruptly and harshly. This confuses them, making them afraid to tell the truth." CG 151

"When children have done wrong, they themselves are convicted of their sin and feel humiliated and distressed. To scold them for their faults will often result in making them stubborn and secretive." CG 248

"The lesson to be taught the children is that their errors and mistakes are to be brought to Jesus in their very childhood of life. Teach them to ask His forgiveness daily for any wrong that they have done, and that Jesus does hear the simple prayer of the penitent heart, and will pardon, and receive them." CG 494

"Never let your child hear you say, 'I cannot do anything with you.' As long as we may have access to the throne of God, we as parents should be ashamed to utter such a word. Cry unto Jesus, and He will help you to bring your little ones to Him." CG 238

"When an emergency arises, ask, Lord, what shall I do now? If you refuse to fret or scold, the Lord will show you the way. He will help you to use the talent of speech in so Christlike a way that peace and love will reign in the home." CT 156

"Fathers and mothers, when you can control yourselves, you will gain great victories in controlling your children. " CG 217

"If you lose your temper, you forfeit that which no mother or father can afford to lose - the respect of your children. Never scold, nor permit scolding, in the home. Never give your child a passionate blow, unless you wish him to learn to quarrel and fight. As parents, you stand in the place of God to your children, and you are to be on guard.

"Parents, never act from impulse. Never correct your child when you are angry; for if you do this, you will mold him after your image - to be impulsive, passionate, and unreasonable. You can be firm without violent threatenings or scoldings." RH 7-28-1910

"However provoking your children may be in their ignorance, do not give way to impatience. Teach them patiently and lovingly. Be firm with them. Do not let Satan control them. Discipline them only when you are under the discipline of God. Christ will be the victor in the lives of your children if you will learn of Him who is meek and lowly, pure and undefiled." CG 245

"And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the praise of thy children. In righteousness shalt thou be established." Isa. 54:13

"Parents may lay for their children the foundation for a healthy, happy life. They may send them forth from their homes with moral stamina to resist temptation, and courage and strength to wrestle successfully with life's problems. They may inspire in them the purpose and develop the power to make their lives an honor to God and a blessing to the world." MH 352

"This is your day of trust, your day of responsibility and opportunity. Soon will come your day of reckoning. Take up your work with earnest prayer and faithful endeavor. Teach your children that it is their privilege to receive every day the baptism of the Holy Spirit. By prayer you may gain an experience that will make your ministry a perfect success." CT 131

"If the youth would become strong in mind, pure in morals, firm in spiritual power, let them follow the example of Jesus in His simplicity, in His submission to parental restraint." SD 132

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